Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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