So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
