I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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