She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
