You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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