Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
