so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she smelled like a LAN party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
