I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
