So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
