i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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