Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Drake has all the answers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
