I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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