so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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