okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
