How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
