just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
