So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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