Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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