Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
