My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You dont lie about slip and slides
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
