so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
