It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
