I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
