I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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