I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
