"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ugly people sure do ruin things
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
