I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
