we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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