Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm too high and old for this...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
