Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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