mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
