Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
