Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
