I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
