Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
