Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
