Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
