it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
