he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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