I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize