This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
