I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
