I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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