It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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