omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
