I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
