we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
