Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Randomize
