I heard we made out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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