i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
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Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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