Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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