Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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