physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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