1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
