Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
