Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
