piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
