I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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