He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
