i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
