please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
