Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
