dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
