love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize