Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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