the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
