It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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