I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
