woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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